Leo envies writers.
She can say things and make them sound nice, but that's not what she wishes she could do. There are so many stories inside her head and it seems unfair to her that she keeps them hidden but she can't help it; the words never come out right, and she refuses to put down some twisted notion of the real story.
She knows people who are absolutely amazing at storytelling, and she envies them for their ability to spin words in just the right way, and also their confidence to let other people into the worlds they make inside their minds. Leo has been telling herself stories since she was very small, and they are absolutely beautiful, but they are just pictures and feelings...Not words. She doesn't need words inside of her head, and things clash when she tries to pull them out. Journaling like this is fine; she has never had a problem saying what she thinks, given the time to write it out properly. It just seems a little unfair that she can be good at this kind of writing, but not the kind that she really wishes she could do.
She can't even practice because she gets so ashamed at how horrible and fake everything she writes seems to sound that she deletes it before she can even begin properly. How does one get around that? Does the hatred of one's own work ever go away, or at least get easier to manage?
