An Explanation of 3rd Person

This post is going to be in the 1st person, try not to get too confused, it'll go back to 3rd person after this. Promise.

Clearly, Leo is not my actual name. It would be kind of cool if it was, but it's not. Leo is the name that I gave myself; I created her several years ago and she's sort of taken on a life of her own. There is Leo and there is Sophie. Leo is is a happy, good-natured soul who always seeks to make other happy in any way she can. However, Sophie sometimes forgets the joy of other people and separates herself from others because she tends to only focus on the intellectual side of things. I suppose the reason Leo is so cheery and friendly is because I created her in a time when I still didn't really know how to make friends. It was easier to be Leo because I could be someone else, and 3rd person was easy because it's much easier to say what she thinks and feels than it is to say what I think and feel. For whatever reason, that distinction was enough for me to talk to people and make friends. 

Leo speaks in the 3rd person, but I can always tell the difference between speaking of her and speaking as her. There is always a small mental shift that happens when I'm Leo; I'm happier and more likely to express my emotions, I'm not as shy and I don't hold myself back. Leo is limited around other people, since I can't wander around speaking in the 3rd person all the time, but she appears to be more in charge either way; she knows how to use 1st person just as well as I do, it's just not as easy. Having Leo in charge is not a bad thing at all; she is me. A happier, friendlier me. We are not separate, even though there are clear distinctions between us.

 For all that she can appear like a child, Leo is not the one who is the most afraid. All of my insecurities come from the part of me who is Sophie. Leo is critical of herself, but she can always recognize the good aspects of herself, and she thinks she's pretty awesome thanks very much. She is also much more trusting; more likely to believe that we are safe. She knows that we will not be abandoned by people we love, because they love us as well. When I'm Leo, I can be much braver than I normally would be.

Of course, I'm not super happy all the time even in that mindset, but if I'm sad or angry when I'm Leo it is much easier to manage because it's easier to look at the happy side of things. I can't really figure out why it's easier, but it definitely is. I would be Leo all the time except for the fact that she has difficulty focusing on things she finds boring. Like homework. Also, I sometimes need to be able to be away from people which Leo absolutely hates, and in those times it's good to be Sophie so that I can go and be by myself without getting lonely.

I am a terrible writer and have no good way to wrap up this post. There is no way to make it end gracefully. Sorry.